Recalibrating

Artwork by Maria Erika

We have all had to force reset ourselves more than once in our lifetime. And more than once, we have had to step outside our comfort zones. Whether it be a new job, home, or relationships– change is never easy.

We moved to China almost five months ago. At first, we were excited to roam around, try new things, meet new people, hike in new places, try new food, and many more. There were days that we got tired from exploring around the city of Hangzhou. Everything seemed to be fun; we were able to drink alcohol (finally), stay with our new friends, and get invited to social gatherings. Once my husband got back to teaching, things started to slow down.

Homesickness crept in, and loneliness started to grow. I was once excited to get back to art. I was eager to meet new friends outside my husband’s circle and started to find my own kind here. I met some Filipino people. However, after that, reality started to sink in. It is not as easy to make friends anymore. It’s not easy to meet people outside of your job. As a half-introvert myself, I hadn't realized that even though I don't talk much, I still miss mingling with people. I got depressed, and when I thought I had finally made a friend, the reality of being an adult set in. Rescheduled coffee hangouts, rescheduled parties, and rescheduled jazz bar music nights that never really happened kept on coming. Family and friends are now busy with their work and their own lives, which I truly understand.

Honestly, it aches me to see people around me get busy. So I forced myself to as well. I tried to work on my art more. I thought getting busy would suffice the hole that is inside my heart, but it didn't really. Flooding myself with work and getting busy is just a mere bandage solution. However, it’s better than nothing, right? I really do hope that things will be better one day.

These changes in my life have really impacted me. It's not just that I moved countries; it really swept my life upside down. From family, friends, home, to career– everything. I am hopeful that it will get easier, one day at a time.